Verdict: Groups

People live in groups, they work in groups and they play in groups. We like to think we belong to a group of people in one way or another. It gives a sense of belonging and makes us feel good about belonging. We often see minority groups sticking together in likeness to achieve a feeling of normality. Even weird or scary people usually hang out with other weird or scary people just to 'fit in'.

I think this is probably good for us. All throughout the animal world this is supremely common. I have no problem with it at all, but I was talking to a friend yesterday about friend circles. We have absolutely different approaches to friends and I can't work out which is better.

Approach 1: I don't belong to any certain 'group' of friends. I have friends and they often belong to groups of people but I don't feel like I fit in any one of them. There are the circus friends, the 'good time' friends, the family friends, the Melbourne kids, the Brisbane peeps (the last two are obviously groups by default), then the work friends etc... I usually like one or two people from each group a lot and often keep in touch mostly with just that one or two people. I don't mind this approach because you remain fiercely independent. You don't rely on any one group for your happiness and are quite happy to flit about which whom you please, when you please. The only problem is when you feel you don't identify with any one group and feel a bit left out in the cold.

Approach 2: This is the 'SATC' girls or the guys from 'friend's'. Will and Grace, Seinfeld, Brothers and Sisters etc... Pretty much most TV shows (Dawson's creek, the OC you could go on for ever). This is the tight group. Your happiness and sadness is in direct correlation to the happiness and sadness of that group. You stick together like glue and know everything about each other. I had this sort of thing in highschool but then went through a difficult time afterwards when everyone back stabbed each other and I was left with no one. My friend takes this approach and although he is often fraught with nervousness about how he fits in or who gets the most out of it, I sense he gets a real satisfaction of knowing this is who he is and this is where he belongs. He knows exactly what role he is to play and plays it well. Problems exist when he tries to break free and have friends exclusive from the group or break unsaid group rules. Jealousy erupts and demands are made on who gets invited to what.

I think both approaches have something to be said for it. I've seen both work remarkably well and often over many years. But when push comes to shove I'm far too terrified to land just in that one group, I'm not going to rule it out entirely, but the risks of popping everything in one basket is just far too much.

I'd be interested to know anyone's thoughts on this...