Things I learnt from my friend Caryn

This week has been very difficult for me. This week I heard the terrible news that my dear friend Caryn had passed away from cancer.

Let me assure you the world is dimmer without her in it. You see, Caryn always had time for the people she loved. And she loved a lot of people. You would always feel better for knowing you had a friend in Caryn. She was encouraging, grounded and spiritual. She was adventurous. She made every minute count. When you were with her, she was present. Even when cancer was having it's way with her body, she was selfless and positive. I often had no idea how bad her health was getting, but I always knew that she loved and cared for me. While I was traveling overseas earlier this year, she would send me messages to make sure I was having a good time. In the final few months Caryn spoke to me about not fighting cancer, but accepting that this was going to be a part of her life and she had learned so much for having to deal with it. She spoke about how much she loved her friends for not changing when they found out about her diagnosis and spoke of some jokes they had used to get through the grief they were all feeling. She didn't shy away from difficult conversations but never missed an opportunity to laugh or to be kind.

And I know if she could talk to me now, she would encourage me to love my friends, to make the most of life, to accept my flaws and be successful anyway in every aspect of life (she would probably say "get on with it"). She would say that we should all take life for all the richness it has to offer; even if sometimes that meant we had to be sad or in grief.

My friend Caryn is a rare species of human. She was compassionate, loving, self aware, good at almost everything but especially at being a very special friend.

She was my hero. and I love her.
Rest in peace my dear friend, I will always remember you.

Buddhism vs. Christianity #2345

When a Buddhist explains their belief system, they describe it as 'practising Buddhism'. They are moving towards being like Buddha. Their behaviour and actions are more than likely identified with this belief system that they identify with.

When a Christian speaks about their belief system, they call them selves 'a Christian'. They are Christ like. They model their life on that of Jesus Christ.

What is wrong with this?

When you say you are a Christian you leave very little room to make mistakes. And when you do (because you will), you open the door to unhelpful criticism and perhaps some shame that comes with that. You get down on yourself and feel judged and like a failure.

When a Buddhist makes a mistake, it's ok, because they know that was going to happen and never profess to being perfect. In my view, Buddhists allow themselves to show more self compassion. I've never heard anyone say "and you call yourself a Buddhist..." or "that's not very Buddha like". But how many times have you heard the same about Christians?

I think this is also the same when it comes to values. We never fully live all of our values all of the time, but we are always happier when we take actions that move us towards our values rather than away from them.

Lessons learnt in Perception

I once worked for a company where the CEO would stand up in front of new employees and give them a spiel about the company and his expectations. In HR world, this would be considered a very good thing. The only problem was the content of what he said (including the fact that everyone should be able to handle being told to f**k off at least once at work). It was the beginning of what those employees would experience as a 'bullying culture'. The other interesting thing he said which has stuck with me is that 'perception is reality'. That is our customers perceive us to be providing a quality and premium service, then we were. Even if we knew that we almost killed ourselves behind the scenes, as long as the customer saw a polished front, that was all that mattered. It never felt very authentic or genuine to me. There was something cheap about pretending to provide a service that you actually weren't.

Skip forward a couple of years and I'm working for one of the least professional managers of my career. She also had no idea what she was doing technically. Our general manager thought she was absolutely wonderful! So I convinced myself that perhaps she was. Maybe that CEO was right. What did it matter what I thought of her? So what if she didn't know what she was talking about? Our main customer thought she was great, so who was I to argue.

Anyway, long story short, I was reading a book on being politically savvy the other day and they rephrased the saying to 'perception isn't reality, but it may as well be'. And that, is the truth. Perception is SSSOOOOOO important. I work in a job where people's careers live or die by perception, so I absolutely understand how important it is. But I also think we should manage our perception of ourselves to remain authentic and within our capabilities.

Whilst she was perceived to be a great HR manager, after she left there was a very big clean up job to manage the number of fires she had lit around the business. Whilst the General Manager thought she was good, the reality was in fact, that she wasn't.

This week I've been pondering what the perception is of me at work and how accurate that may be. If I reach the conclusion that it's not accurate, I'm going to find a way to change that perception and manage the risk of leaving that trail of destruction... I would hate to be known as deceitful.

Wear nothing new!

This video is not only cute, its very practical. If you are up for it, this is one of the coolest ideas I've heard this month...

Sometimes we don't always get the answer we want. Sometimes it's better.

You are enough.

READ THIS. It's good advice.